Classroom Fun

Had my lab session today just like any other Monday. We were thought to use Paint.net and make a personal banner, and it was supposed be a creative effort that includes our name, student ID and photo. After an hour or so, this was what I managed to come up with:

(Click to see the original size: 800x100 pixels)

It was good fun. And yea, the electric guitar seems out of place. That's the exact guitar I saw in KL. :)

Rambling

I can be so long-winded sometimes. Sometimes it's not that amusing. And I mumble every single time. Then I get misunderstood. Sometimes I laugh it off. Today I went to Jonkers. And passed by Casa del Rio. I think I wanna own a hotel someday. Maybe the management course isn't so boring or irrelevant. I'm having fun doing my business project. My homemade jellies were a hit :) Am watching Eric Clapton's live version of 'Wonderful Tonight'. Just found out he plays the electric guitar. That's so cool. This song may be included into my list of songs-for-my-wedding. I like songs before the 00's. They sound wonderfully meaningful. Oh it's 1.10a.m. already. I should sleep soon. There's practice early in the morning :( but I'm not involved in the evening. I can go to Youth :) God has been helping me with my schedules. He knows I'm bad at time management. I don't just want to attend Youth. I feel a need to do so. The Bible study sessions refresh me. It was a nice Friday. I have everything to be thankful for. Blogging is fun when I don't put much thought into it. Pun intended. That is if you got my joke. Welcome to a glimpse of the world in my head.

Irony

I was shooting an interview for my video assignment one fine day outside the library and there was this noise that sounds much like a filled plastic bottle dropping on the walkway. One of my friends screamed and I turned to see, this grey dove lying on its right side with its eyes closed, motionless. You could tell that it just died, with all the feathers flying around it. It was a horrific scene. Thank God I didn't see any blood. I could only imagine how my friend felt after witnessing the bird falling to the ground. We reckoned that it  flew into the walls of the library and knocked itself to death. The walkway's high roof was connected to the library so it couldn't have fell from any tree. No, I did not take any pictures despite having a camcorder in my hands. It wasn't a scene I'd want to remember. Oh, and the topic of my video assignment was about how loneliness is the core reason of teen suicides. I'm not saying the bird committed suicide. I'm saying it might have been feeling empty. >.<

Too late?

I'm already in the middle of the semester. Oh well.

Refresh

I've been wanting to post something for awhile. Never got enough 'time' to do it, apparently. You'd think being a Management student would make me a better time manager. It's not that I felt like I should post something, but I had all these random daily events that I wanted to share. Of course, I can barely recall any of them now that I'm actually writing. Sigh. Sometimes our days can be so routine it feels robotic. Or they can be so packed you don't even have time to reflect upon them with your thoughts full of things-to-do-tomorrow. Or they can be so empty you don't even wanna tell others what you did (or did not do) 'cause it'll sound pathetic. Maybe being happening isn't the key. Maybe it's just about finding joy in doing the little things. Do something different today, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Write a note to someone. Serenade your mom. Rearrange the furniture in your room. Hug someone you've never hugged. Say hi to the kid next door who's afraid of you for some unknown reasons. Watch the Asian Food Channel. Try kaya-flavoured waffles instead of chocolate-flavoured ones.

Even though these sound like things I list out for myself, you should try it too.

I'm Thinking...

...that I need to brush up on my guitar skills.

Blessed Birthday Kor!!

My first ever birthday dedication post! And such a special honour is reserved only for my one and only kor. (everyone go 'awww') :P

Been waiting since my birthday to write back a birthday dedication for you. But please bear with me, as I'm not such a fluent writer nor an adept conveyor of my thoughts.

First of all, you know more than I do how much you've done for me. Of course there's the obvious ones like paying for everything I eat. Haha. But seriously though, I can't keep up with the amount of money I owe you. But of course, you'll be quick to dismiss that. There's also all the cool profile pictures you took of me. And then there's you inviting me to the hangouts you organize. I can go on and on.

I've told you before and I'll say it again that you've really made me feel like I have a brother. (I haven't been complaining about not having a brother ever since! Haha) It isn't fair though, to use it as an excuse, when I left you out of MY hangouts. Sigh I feel so fail as your 'mui'. I resented the fact that I made you feel left out when all that you have done is make me feel like I belong. I can't thank God enough that He has somehow used you to bring me closer to Him.

I still remember the speech you shared during Youth Sunday, where my mum told me she likes how you can relate to people. I couldn't agree more. You always have stories relating to other people's problems no matter their age, amusing them (especially me) with your good humour about yourself. I admire the way you genuinely care about each youth and always know what's happening in their lives. Even when I first started uni and seldom went online anymore you still found ways to catch up with me, and it meant alot at that point of my life when I was getting discouraged. And you were concerned of why I sounded emo/sleepy over Skype and asked me to go sleep 'cause I'm sick. I feel so undeserving of your brotherly love. Yeah I think I won the battle of 'Who's The Worst Sibling'. Not that I want to win it. Lol.

I'm still in the middle of composing this when you wrote a post for the 35-year-old you! And you made me so teary! :'( See lah I forgot what I wanna write dy. Well brush up on your piano skills 'cause you'll not only be playing "So Close" but also "As The Deer" at my wedding! That is of course after I ran through with you for your approval of my future husband. You'll always be the only Kor I have :) I'm glad that you found the peace you've been searching for. May God continue to use you for His works and bless you with the awesomest things in life that you so deserve. You've been such a blessing to me and God has been so gracious as to have placed you in my life.

Happy Birthday, Kor :)

Love,
Your Mui

New Template!

Don't you think my new background picture AND header is so awesome that you want them for yourself?? By the way, you can't, 'cause I own these pretty pictures. And of course copyright also belongs to the artist who is none other than Dylan Lim himself :D *cue jaw-dropping expression* Yes he drew them himself. Well it's not that surprising either, considering the prodigy that he is. ;) I could not have found better pictures from the internet!

*squeals* MY BLOG SO CUTE I WANNA SQUEEZE IT. OR PINCH IT. I can't help staring at it. Just looking at it makes me grin :D

Thank you again Dylan!

I Heart Waffles

Not quite sure when this addiction (it is quite a serious case) started, but i kept thinking about waffles. In fact I had dream that included me eating waffles at a point. (nah, I didn't really. Just trying to emphasize on the degree of my obsession.) Everytime during Accounts classes I think of the crispy base and gooey paste. I thank God it's only during Accounts classes. After class I go straight to one of the shop lots in front of the campus. THE STALL SELLS THE BEST WAFFLES EVER. It only opens after around 4pm, and I'm often sure to be there during the days when my class ends around that time :D I'm such a frequent customer that I'm recognised by the aunty and her husband who both work alternately at the stall.

Oh it's one thing to be addicted to waffles, but it's another to get other people addicted to them. One of my classmates (Teara is her name :)) followed me a few times and she's now half as obsessed as I am. I bought some back home for my sister (Angela) and she now drives me to buy waffles.

Waffles make me happy. I was emo over the mark that I scored for the spontaneous speaking test the other day, so Teara wanted to cheer me up by buying me some waffles. AND THEN I WAS MY USUAL SELF AGAIN #truestory. But of course I'm pretty sure it's because of Teara :) #thankGodforawesomefriends.

My Top Places to Buy Waffles

1. The 'Cuppa Crunch' Stall in Perfect Food Court. (Emerald Park, opposite of MMU)
a) It offers different flavour of waffle base every week! I'm talking BASE, NOT JUST PASTE.
b) It sells fried ice-cream too. Though I never tried them. Can't eat both waffles and ice-cream
at the same time.
c) RM2.50 for normal flavours, RM2.80 for special flavours. Pretty reasonable.
d) It's near.

2. Daily Fresh at New Jusco's Food Avenue.
a) ITS WAFFLES' PASTE FLOWS OUT.

3. Stall in Ixora Food Court
a) It's near.
b) It's available almost everytime I visit.
c) RM2.50 for all flavours.

When buying waffles:
-I mix two of the flavours. They don't normally add charges for additional flavours. (Chocolate + Peanut! *drools*).
-I buy even numbers of waffles, 'cause they usually have even numbers of waffle makers. Makes the wait more worthwhile.

DISCLAIMER: I accept no responsibility whatsoever for the addiction that comes upon consuming waffles after reading my blog post. Also, if you experience any negative outcome (diarrhea, cramping, vomiting, etc.) contact your doctor because waffles may not be right for you.

Happy eating waffles! :)

Unfinished Business

I was supposed to post something with the title 'Productively Unproductive'. And then I changed it to 'A Story' a few days back. Both of them were left hanging. They were supposed to be updates on my current hectic study life (which explains the unfinished blog posts).
My daily routine now looks like this: classes in the morning (sometimes stretched to the afternoon), lunch, groups discussions, dinner, societies' meetings, sleep. So yeah, home is now the place only to crash after a whole day in campus. When I started reflecting while looking at my half-painted canvas after a month or so, I began questioning on whether or not this is actually productive. Therein lies the itch to write 'Productively Unproductive'. Now, there are a lot of opportunity costs to this new phase, as I've mentioned in my previous posts. Before I entered uni, I had a lot of leisure time (probably too much). I started blogging during that 'rotting' phase. I started painting. I started writing everyday in my spiritual journal. I spent almost everyday with my grandma, and also catching up with dearly loved friends - these are all left hanging after I let myself be caught up in life.
I miss rotting.
Oh and I've also yet to start on the birthday post dedicated to my lil sis - so much for being an awesome big sis to her.

God Is Good

Just a thought on how we often neglect to praise God especially during trying times. He does deserve more appreciation for the things He did for us. So does the people in our lives.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31

Random note: Hello Dylan. Hello Kor. I know you guys are the only readers so here's some exclusive shoutouts :P

"Lord You are good and Your mercy endureth forever"

My blog just got more random.

Writer, Much?

It's been almost a month since my last post. I've been very preoccupied ever since I was thrown back into the student life. I was going to write a very emo post on how so many important relationships became the 'opportunity cost' to this new aspect of my life (my microeconomics lecturer would be so proud at my attempt to apply these terms into my daily life), but I've decided to blog on a lighter tone so that you won't be in danger of contracting the disease of diseases which is emo-ness.

Also, ever since I shamlessly divulged the address of my blog to the committees of the Student Publication Board of MMU during my interview, I felt like blogging. I feel very self-conscious writing this post now. LoL. Hmm, come to think of it, they may have already read the whole of my lack-of-content, non-amusing blog. Or they may have not. I may have forgotten to mention that my blog is new. And not very amusing.

And yes, to the loyal followers of my blog (trust me, less is always more), I joined the Student Publication Board. It was like a sudden urge to join. And I thought I could train in photography at the same time together with writing. Anyways, beside SPB, I also signed up for the Christian Society, MILE (the Multimedia Initiative for the Language of English, basically an English society) and also squash. I know, I don't play squash, I've never held a squash racket. But isn't this all about acquiring new skills and honing them??

I can't wait to get started!

Resistance

I named that voice in my head that hinders my dreams - Resistance. I am going to overcome it.

Stopping

Once again I outdone myself by overthinking. I may have even skipped past the answer I've been searching for. The answers to my questions brought on even more questions. This triggered my instinct to run away yet again. Meanwhile I wondered why I didn't come up with this song myself. "Ha. That's because you suck at song writing," says the low-esteemed me.


See, these inner conversations have got to stop or else I'll never get a career. That is if I could even decide on a degree. Sorry, off the track. This is the song that I keep coming back to.



Feels like I've been here forever,
Why can`t You just intervene?
Do You see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams.
But You never said the road would be easy,
But You said that you would never leave.
And You never promised that this life wasn't hard,
But You promised You'd take care of me.

So I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust You,God, with where I am,
And believe that You will have Your way.
Just have Your way
Just have Your way

When my friends and my family have left me,
And I feel so ashamed and so cold.
Remind me that You take broken things
And turn them into beautiful.

So I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust You, God, with where I am,
And believe that You will have Your way.
Just have Your way
Just have Your way

Even if my dreams have died,
And even if I don't survive,
I'll still worship you with all my life.
My life.

And I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust You, God, with where I am,
And believe that You will have Your way.
Just have Your way.
Just have Your way.

I know You will.
I won`t forget.
You love me.
Have Your way.

The Greener Grass

I don't know why I'm blogging at this hour (it's almost 1am, by the way) and I'm supposed to be finishing this scholarship application that is ending in 23 hours. There's this question asking me to 'state one accomplishment that you're proud of' and it's categorized under extra-curricular information for the last 3 years. It's been boggling my mind a little, probably because a)I think it's very subjective, or b)my extra-curriculum for the past 3 years sucks. The latter is the truth I think, and the first is probably just a pathetic excuse I made for myself. The thing is, I've practically dodged being active/responsibilities since Form 1 by jumping from society to society, club to club, until Form 4, when the importance of extra-curriculum started dawning on me a little too late.

I realized since then that I have the GENGA(Good at Everything, Not Great at Anything) disease. I'm one of those people that goes unnoticed during the activities, especially sports. I was good enough to not get picked on by teachers/commanders, but at the same time I didn't get selected to represent my sports house, not to mention representing my school (well there's that one time I substituted for my sports house in a 4x400m relay because the original runner bailed and I had to run while holding up my ponytail as my hairband got loose and I couldn't tie it back with the baton in my hand and apparently most of the school witnessed it but it's allinthepastnowletsmoveon)

*Sigh* I need to stop focusing on what could/should/would have been. I also need to stop the comparisons. I've wondered at the way I think about wanting to go back to high school, with my boredom reaching the brink of restlessness. I yearn to have that stress whenever exams edged near and scream 'aaahhh exams!!!' out loud like I used to do. Maybe I'll regret saying this someday but for now it seems much less frustrating than filling out scholarship applications. Ironically my younger sister seemed to want more of my so-called freedom than handling all the stress of Form 1. Yes, Form 1, can you believe it? But I suppose different people have different worries anyways so I should probably stop looking over to the other side where the grass is always greener and instead focus on how to cultivate some rice here in my yellowing paddy field.

Running Away

It's so tempting to just run away when things go wrong.

"But we can't run away forever."

Self Amusement

Blogging is not easy to commit to. It's hard to put into words what I'm really thinking of. But I'll try putting it into practice.

So the most common question people ask me these days that I dread is "What have you been doing lately?" and I go "Oh, just..you know. Read books.." (give a nod or two, change subject) or "Erm, figuring out what I wanna study" (then hopefully they start giving advice) or some hobbies I just do for fun, like when I get really bored (and that's saying something) like "Sewing" or "Painting". Sad, really. But seriously, mostly what I do is spamming Taylor Swift's songs and guitaring. Not really answers that can continue the conversation. Besides, don't you already have an idea of what am I doing? *sigh*

Anyway whenever I don't blog it means I'm actually doing something. I've been to KL [thanks kor kor! =)] and Singapore for day trips, had my first Subway (finally), watched Youtube videos so much I'm now subscribed to some of them, read Jane Eyre, updated iPhones and iPad (not mine), edited pictures using the Camera+ app (it's so fun I might pick up photographing haha), played Lego with my grandma (yes my grandma is cool like that yo), watched movies and went swimming with Jemimah and Johanna, and took videos with my family's camcorder. It's a Panasonic HDC-SD20 (i think) and it's been laying there in the bag and untouched for months, while I was searching for new hobbies high and low. Tsk tsk tsk.

So I really was figuring out what course I wanna do, which university, etc. until the Japan disaster got me thinking "does it really matter now?" "I don't wanna be apart from my family when the time comes!"

I'm kidding. I'm seriously considering my options. And the results are coming out in three days, when I've been waiting for three months. Time flies even when you're doing nothing.

Oh I've also amused myself with riddles of sorts. Thought it'd get my brain working for a bit. Here's one for you:
The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it, the user doesn't see it. What is it?
Please do figure it out for a moment before you give up and ask Google for help. It's really logical!

Song of the entry! "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift. I play it on my guitar whenever I wanna get silly. Annoys my sister to no end. =P

Overload

So many things are running through my mind. I cannot slow any of them down and actually analyse them properly.

Wasted time. Wasting time. Procrastination. Priorities. Goals. Decisions. Patience. Insecurities. Disappointment. Letting down and being let down. Loving and being guarded. Relationships. Letting go. Being loved. Simple joys. Contentment. Desires. Courage. Growing up.

Maybe I'm overthinking. I may need productivity. Or maybe solitude from thoughts is what I need. I have a feeling my wake up call is coming soon. Meanwhile I just need to enjoy my chillin' life right now and make the most out of it.

Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Song stuck in my head: 'Yang Terutama'. It tugged my heartstrings especially when the chorus was sung. I still can't find the official/nicer version of it =( I need to put it on my lullaby playlist!

Don't be afraid

"Don't be afraid to make mistakes"

I always thought this is just another philosophical phrase that I'd never really apply to my life. I mean, why make mistakes when you can just do things the way you're familiar with? Be in your own comfort zone? It would make life so much more simple, wouldn't it?

But no, life is too short for that.

I've been thinking about that lately during these times when my days are just a blur of routines. What can I do to "live life like there's no tomorrow", when everyday I am waiting for tomorrow to come? *coughs* SPM results. *coughs*

In making mistakes, I don't mean deliberately making mistakes. I mean taking a chance at things I've always wanted to do but never got to it, or making a decision that might make or break. It might not turn out the way I wanted to, but it's a risk worth taking. And with much praying, I believe, "God is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." - Ephesians 3 :20

Besides, "we can do no great things, only small things with great love" - Mother Teresa

Meanwhile, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks brought tears to my eyes. And there's a sequel, The Wedding. I'm very tempted to buy it.

First Post Ever

This is how desperate I am at finding something new to do. Start a blog. I'll probably get 1 reader which is (pathetically) me. So this is my new hobby! That is if I even commit myself to blogging.

It might look plain now, I don't really know how to customize, design and things like that (actually that was why I gave up blogging years ago) YET, but I hope I'll get the hang of it sooner or later. I actually searched 'How to Start a Blog' on wikiHow.

Talking to myself is actually quite amusing.

Now, you (an imaginary person) might be wondering why I chose Papillon as my blog title. I'm gonna explain it anyway, to remind myself why as well. It was named years ago when I opened this blog but never actually got to posting something. Papillon is 'butterfly' in French. Why butterfly? Now this is a bit narcissistic, but my name (Vanessa) means butterfly, and I liked how butterfly sounds in French. Papillon. Further researching led me to discovering Papillon also means 'someone brilliant, versatile and inconstant'. I was very shocked how beyond narcissistic this actually was. I wanted to change it but I've got no other brilliant ideas so in the meantime I'll just bear with it until I find some other titles.

Besides just filling up my time, I figured blogging would be a great way to:
.:Vent just about everything.
.:Count my blessings, how God works wonders in my life.
.:Justify myself, in case I've been misunderstood in conversations (even if they don't read my blog), and enable me to understand myself better as well.
.:Reminisce about how young and foolish I was now, in the future.

I'll probably be just nonsencing around, writing stuffs like the embarrassing stuff I did to the music that got stuck in my head, etc.

I am so excited!! LOLS.

Signing off,
Vanessa