Suffocated

As I went through my birthday (which felt like it lasted for at least 4 days), besides the wishes that kept flowing in, I realized there were more personal texts and messages this year rather than Facebook postings, and cards with meaningful messages. Okay, perhaps I am a words person, maybe it ranks second?

There were cakes and hangouts even before my birthday and I cannot stop reminiscing. So I think quality time still takes the top spot for my love language. 

What surprised me was the gifts. A package came on my birthday and I could not stop smiling the whole day eventhough I was sick. Gifts came one by one till today, and all the efforts taken just to make me feel loved. 

Which makes me wonder what have I done to deserve all this?  I'm so overwhelmed I feel suffocated. And suddenly I remembered my prayer request: 

"Before teaching me how to love, can You please convince me that You truly love me? That You accept me for who I am? Why am I not convinced yet? Your love is so unfathomable it blows my narrow, self-centered mind. Even when it's written all over the Bible. Remind me each and everyday of Your perfect love. Suffocate me with Your love. (In a good way, of course). Guide me towards Your path."   (Excerpt from journal, 8th December 2011.) 

Then I realized I did not do anything that deserved all this. I did not earn love. This is my God loving me unconditionally. 

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

I cannot comprehend how much I am loved.

...and yet I keep trying to earn it.

Loving others shouldn't be at your own convenience.

Fairytale

My sister's boyfriend asked my parents' permission to court her.

And that's my kind of fairytale.

Painting

So it's semester break again. Yayy. It was much needed, but I can't seem to be content now that I have nothing to do. If I was asked during last semester, I would say that I'm more than happy to have absolutely nothing to do. 

Anyway, I finally got to paint! Painting is so much more about the process than the actual result. When I paint I get lost into it and it's very remedial. And also because my product probably isn't that frame-worthy. But it's about the process! :P And so is life. There are so many things we miss in the present because we're constantly trying to achieve something for the future or dwelling too long in the past. And I don't practice what I preach.

"Your calling is present, not future."

Third Wheel

It sucks being the third wheel.