2013 in Review!

2013 has been... so indescribable I can only express it better with pictures. Honestly though, is it just me, or time just accelerates by the year? It seems like it was yesterday that Facebook was flooded with end-of-the-world posts. And now it's gonna be 2014. Anywayyy... behold! Some never before seen pictures taken with my not-so-trusty S2. (and also some stolen from other people)

1. Australia! Aside from the scenic places and the nice weather, it also became the last time I ever saw my cousin Timothy. I thank God for the precious time that we get to spend together - I will forever hold them dear. 

               

          

2. My birthday. It could've just easily been any normal day, but the effort and time people took to celebrate it makes it so special to me. It was the first time I ever had a package delivered to my house! Along with thoughtful presents and cards, and just the effort taken to spend time with me and to make me feel so loved.

3. The 16th Baptist Youth World Conference! It was quite an eye opener for someone who likes to hibernate in her room all the time, meeting so many different people from different parts of the world who shares the same passion for God (maybe even more than me? lol) So many memories made just over five days - staying with our generous host family who opened their beautiful home to us, playing games and doing reflections with my random bunch of family group, packing food together for Stop Hunger, and just singing praises to God with His people from 64 different countries in different languages - it was such an extraordinary experience. Of course it was made even more memorable by the SBC troop that I went with :) I was touched by stories of how God worked in other parts of the world and was humbled by the passion His people have for Him eventhough some of them were oppressed. I thank God for the reminders He gave me throughout the trip and this once in a lifetime opportunity :)

4. Krabiiiiiiiii. The awesomest trip with the awesomest batch evaaaaaa. Hahah. So glad to have made the trip with the 5 of them; missing those who couldn't come, but it was a crazy fun-filled trip nonetheless (not to mention money-consuming lol). But it was definitely the most adventurous thing I've done this year. *Crosses off 'travelling-to-another-country-without-family-members' from ze bucket list*

5. R.O.C. 3!!! What a ride. Still recovering from it. Lol. But it has been the most fulfilling journey with the CF-ers which I call family ever since I stepped into MMU :) I've learned so much, hopefully I grow from it and also that seeds be sowed in the hearts of the people who watched it. So privileged to have been used by God and also to work with each and every cast and crew who inspired and taught me much, especially the team of directors :) Don't have enough pictures from that day because my phone died before I manage to take a picture with everyone! (Reason #1279 why my phone is not-so-trusty) So these are the only ones I have..can't believe I don't even have one with the directors!!!

6. The youthssss. Including the youth leaders of courseeee. I love them to bits. They have always been family, enough said. Below are random pictures taken during the year :D

7. Serving the community. (Or more like the community serving me? Haha.) This year there were lots of opportunity given to me to serve the community especially in Agape. Earlier this year the CF visited the old folks during a CG outing and I got to know a very special lady called Rose ('just Rose', she said). She gave me advices (including 'find a good man and marry him...a good man who loves you...preferably before you turn 30' lol) and also shared her story with me. It was nice to be able to put a smile on their faces simply by visiting and talking to them :) During December, I got to visit the Agape kids for a day to chaperon the youths who have been going there for 2 weeks! Basically I was only there playing with the kids and doing nothing much hehe. The Agape kids came to SBC for the Sunday School Christmas party as well, where I decided to help out together with some of the youths :)

As you can see I'm not a very good collage maker. And of course there are many many more moments that were significant to me during the year that I didn't manage to take much photos of. But I just wanna thank God for His faithfulness and providence throughout the year. It has truly been a ride. Happy new year! :)

26th December :)

I love warm hugs! 

Grace by Laura Story

What I've wanted to say. Every word. 

Sigh.

Sometimes I wish I can express myself better.

Guilty Pleasure Song

So Tired

I just want to be able to do absolutely nothing for once. Except maybe sleep.

Frustration

Of not being the person you want to be. And of having the wrong perspective, but you can't seem to think of it in a different way, and you're stuck with this miserable feeling. Then you try to run away from reality by distracting yourself, but everything else you do, you're distracted by the very thing you're running away from. But what is it you're really running away from? "Nah, it's nothing..It's not worth talking about", because you're afraid of being judged, and eventually (hopefully), it'll come to pass.

But how will it come to pass, if you don't confront it?

What?

It's so frustrating when your memory fails you. It's frustrating because it frustrates other people as well that you don't remember a memory that they shared with you, or a promise/task, or a detail that was important to them. And then you feel like you've failed them. which then makes you feel like you've failed yourself. Yay.

Today, I've learned...

To not stop loving others even when they have stopped loving me. Because God still does and never will stop loving me.

I'm Fabulous

Yes, I'm under stress. No I'm not going crazy. I just think I need to bask in God's love for me today. And more and more each day.

I know that. I believe that. 

Encounters

I think one of the greatest blessings from God are the people that He places in our lives, no matter how long they stay.

Also, there's also something special about brief encounters with strangers. You may be surprised by how much you can learn about a person in 10 minutes, if you ask the right questions. What I've learned, is to never assume. There's just so many aspects to a person's life and each experience is so unique. Each time I hear a story from these encounters I'm reminded about how God always has a plan for each one of us.

I just need to surrender more.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:6)

I think I may be more suited being an emo. Being outgoing is so draining. At least I tried?

Second-hander

You need to start doing the things you do with joy. They may not be things you want to do, but finding joy in it helps you focus on the things God wants to get done through you instead of the things God wants done through other people. In other words, it helps us to be more contented and happy.

"A second-hander is someone who has no real sense of self, but instead borrows their perception of self from those around them. Rather than being who they truly are, they instead adopt a persona according to what they think society and those around them would find pleasing and acceptable.
Sometimes these people are seen as altruistic, giving of themselves. In reality they don’t give anything as they don’t have anything of a self to give. Rather, they like to be seen to be selfless because they think they will find approval that way." - Ayn Rand

Don't be a second-hander.

Blah.

Talk is cheap. Stop talking and start doing.

Okay.

I'm not. But I will be.

Letting Go

It's funny how emotional I get when I think back and realized it's been one year since - doesn't matter if it's my birthday, someone else's birthday or even the day I stepped into university. I just tend to reminisce what silly things I've done, the decisions I've made, the friends that I've made, and basically how far God has brought me and how much He has blessed me with.

Digressing here for a bit, I tend to hold on to things for memory's sake. It's hard for me to move on when something good or memorable comes to an end, be it a book, a movie, a camp, an event, or a relationship. Yes I'm clingy like that.

Then today I heard a sermon on Job and of course the verse that says "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21), and came across this verse about God's sovereignty in Desiring God: "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" (Job 2:10) and also this post on Facebook:

"Never put a comma where God has placed a period. What God closes, you don't want open. Look ahead to the new thing in store." -Naeem Callaway. 

Inevitably, everything comes to an end, but God remains forever. He closes a door and opens another. What I can do is to thank God that it happened and let go, remembering all the good that came from it.
"Don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened."

On a side note, what a perfect timing for church camp to be happening tomorrow. Some distraction.

Ha ha ha...ha ha...ha.. ha.

Sometimes I do stuff that is so embarrassing that I just wanna crawl into a hole and stay there. Forever.

Sadly, I can't really do that so my alternative is just to write here. No, I'm not actually gonna write what embarrassing thing I did. It's just that it's so frustrating I can't try to undo what I did because it'll make things even worse. So all I can do is just to act normal. And smack myself.

Growing Apart

Sometimes I wonder why do people grow apart. Why two friends who can talk to each other just about anything, suddenly turn into strangers.
Is misunderstanding the cause? Or is it distance? Either way, they just seem like excuses to me. And it's sad. I'm sad. Because I feel like I've just lost a friend. And not knowing why is what kills me.

It is in you.

One of the best songs I've heard in a while. 

Perspective

More often than not, it's harder to stay than to leave. 

Path

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Near-death experience... NOT.

You know your driving is really questionable when your YOUNGER sister texts you saying: "Drive slowly wen u come2 fetch me", and your mum says: "Oh, thank God!" repeatedly, when you call her and tell her you've arrived home safely with your sister in one piece.

Promise of a Lifetime

"Would You help me fall apart?" 

A Dream.

I want to live near the beach.

"Nothing is more deceitful than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes indirect boast."
-Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice.

Suffocated

As I went through my birthday (which felt like it lasted for at least 4 days), besides the wishes that kept flowing in, I realized there were more personal texts and messages this year rather than Facebook postings, and cards with meaningful messages. Okay, perhaps I am a words person, maybe it ranks second?

There were cakes and hangouts even before my birthday and I cannot stop reminiscing. So I think quality time still takes the top spot for my love language. 

What surprised me was the gifts. A package came on my birthday and I could not stop smiling the whole day eventhough I was sick. Gifts came one by one till today, and all the efforts taken just to make me feel loved. 

Which makes me wonder what have I done to deserve all this?  I'm so overwhelmed I feel suffocated. And suddenly I remembered my prayer request: 

"Before teaching me how to love, can You please convince me that You truly love me? That You accept me for who I am? Why am I not convinced yet? Your love is so unfathomable it blows my narrow, self-centered mind. Even when it's written all over the Bible. Remind me each and everyday of Your perfect love. Suffocate me with Your love. (In a good way, of course). Guide me towards Your path."   (Excerpt from journal, 8th December 2011.) 

Then I realized I did not do anything that deserved all this. I did not earn love. This is my God loving me unconditionally. 

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

I cannot comprehend how much I am loved.

...and yet I keep trying to earn it.

Loving others shouldn't be at your own convenience.

Fairytale

My sister's boyfriend asked my parents' permission to court her.

And that's my kind of fairytale.

Painting

So it's semester break again. Yayy. It was much needed, but I can't seem to be content now that I have nothing to do. If I was asked during last semester, I would say that I'm more than happy to have absolutely nothing to do. 

Anyway, I finally got to paint! Painting is so much more about the process than the actual result. When I paint I get lost into it and it's very remedial. And also because my product probably isn't that frame-worthy. But it's about the process! :P And so is life. There are so many things we miss in the present because we're constantly trying to achieve something for the future or dwelling too long in the past. And I don't practice what I preach.

"Your calling is present, not future."

Third Wheel

It sucks being the third wheel.

2013?!

It just hit me that it's really 2013 already. I seriously think that time accelerates. It's not even on constant velocity. I refuse to accept it's 2013! :( *In denial* It doesn't really hit you until you have to write down the date on paper. Sigh. The only resolution I wish to stick to is to have Jesus in everything I do. Because then it would be a meaningful year. 2012 was too much of doing and not much reflecting. Can't wait for February - the much needed break.