I don't know why I'm blogging at this hour (it's almost 1am, by the way) and I'm supposed to be finishing this scholarship application that is ending in 23 hours. There's this question asking me to 'state one accomplishment that you're proud of' and it's categorized under extra-curricular information for the last 3 years. It's been boggling my mind a little, probably because a)I think it's very subjective, or b)my extra-curriculum for the past 3 years sucks. The latter is the truth I think, and the first is probably just a pathetic excuse I made for myself. The thing is, I've practically dodged being active/responsibilities since Form 1 by jumping from society to society, club to club, until Form 4, when the importance of extra-curriculum started dawning on me a little too late.
I realized since then that I have the GENGA(Good at Everything, Not Great at Anything) disease. I'm one of those people that goes unnoticed during the activities, especially sports. I was good enough to not get picked on by teachers/commanders, but at the same time I didn't get selected to represent my sports house, not to mention representing my school (well there's that one time I substituted for my sports house in a 4x400m relay because the original runner bailed and I had to run while holding up my ponytail as my hairband got loose and I couldn't tie it back with the baton in my hand and apparently most of the school witnessed it but it's allinthepastnowletsmoveon)
*Sigh* I need to stop focusing on what could/should/would have been. I also need to stop the comparisons. I've wondered at the way I think about wanting to go back to high school, with my boredom reaching the brink of restlessness. I yearn to have that stress whenever exams edged near and scream 'aaahhh exams!!!' out loud like I used to do. Maybe I'll regret saying this someday but for now it seems much less frustrating than filling out scholarship applications. Ironically my younger sister seemed to want more of my so-called freedom than handling all the stress of Form 1. Yes, Form 1, can you believe it? But I suppose different people have different worries anyways so I should probably stop looking over to the other side where the grass is always greener and instead focus on how to cultivate some rice here in my yellowing paddy field.
