Unfinished Business

I was supposed to post something with the title 'Productively Unproductive'. And then I changed it to 'A Story' a few days back. Both of them were left hanging. They were supposed to be updates on my current hectic study life (which explains the unfinished blog posts).
My daily routine now looks like this: classes in the morning (sometimes stretched to the afternoon), lunch, groups discussions, dinner, societies' meetings, sleep. So yeah, home is now the place only to crash after a whole day in campus. When I started reflecting while looking at my half-painted canvas after a month or so, I began questioning on whether or not this is actually productive. Therein lies the itch to write 'Productively Unproductive'. Now, there are a lot of opportunity costs to this new phase, as I've mentioned in my previous posts. Before I entered uni, I had a lot of leisure time (probably too much). I started blogging during that 'rotting' phase. I started painting. I started writing everyday in my spiritual journal. I spent almost everyday with my grandma, and also catching up with dearly loved friends - these are all left hanging after I let myself be caught up in life.
I miss rotting.
Oh and I've also yet to start on the birthday post dedicated to my lil sis - so much for being an awesome big sis to her.

God Is Good

Just a thought on how we often neglect to praise God especially during trying times. He does deserve more appreciation for the things He did for us. So does the people in our lives.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31

Random note: Hello Dylan. Hello Kor. I know you guys are the only readers so here's some exclusive shoutouts :P

"Lord You are good and Your mercy endureth forever"

My blog just got more random.

Writer, Much?

It's been almost a month since my last post. I've been very preoccupied ever since I was thrown back into the student life. I was going to write a very emo post on how so many important relationships became the 'opportunity cost' to this new aspect of my life (my microeconomics lecturer would be so proud at my attempt to apply these terms into my daily life), but I've decided to blog on a lighter tone so that you won't be in danger of contracting the disease of diseases which is emo-ness.

Also, ever since I shamlessly divulged the address of my blog to the committees of the Student Publication Board of MMU during my interview, I felt like blogging. I feel very self-conscious writing this post now. LoL. Hmm, come to think of it, they may have already read the whole of my lack-of-content, non-amusing blog. Or they may have not. I may have forgotten to mention that my blog is new. And not very amusing.

And yes, to the loyal followers of my blog (trust me, less is always more), I joined the Student Publication Board. It was like a sudden urge to join. And I thought I could train in photography at the same time together with writing. Anyways, beside SPB, I also signed up for the Christian Society, MILE (the Multimedia Initiative for the Language of English, basically an English society) and also squash. I know, I don't play squash, I've never held a squash racket. But isn't this all about acquiring new skills and honing them??

I can't wait to get started!

Resistance

I named that voice in my head that hinders my dreams - Resistance. I am going to overcome it.

Stopping

Once again I outdone myself by overthinking. I may have even skipped past the answer I've been searching for. The answers to my questions brought on even more questions. This triggered my instinct to run away yet again. Meanwhile I wondered why I didn't come up with this song myself. "Ha. That's because you suck at song writing," says the low-esteemed me.


See, these inner conversations have got to stop or else I'll never get a career. That is if I could even decide on a degree. Sorry, off the track. This is the song that I keep coming back to.



Feels like I've been here forever,
Why can`t You just intervene?
Do You see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams.
But You never said the road would be easy,
But You said that you would never leave.
And You never promised that this life wasn't hard,
But You promised You'd take care of me.

So I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust You,God, with where I am,
And believe that You will have Your way.
Just have Your way
Just have Your way

When my friends and my family have left me,
And I feel so ashamed and so cold.
Remind me that You take broken things
And turn them into beautiful.

So I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust You, God, with where I am,
And believe that You will have Your way.
Just have Your way
Just have Your way

Even if my dreams have died,
And even if I don't survive,
I'll still worship you with all my life.
My life.

And I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust You, God, with where I am,
And believe that You will have Your way.
Just have Your way.
Just have Your way.

I know You will.
I won`t forget.
You love me.
Have Your way.

The Greener Grass

I don't know why I'm blogging at this hour (it's almost 1am, by the way) and I'm supposed to be finishing this scholarship application that is ending in 23 hours. There's this question asking me to 'state one accomplishment that you're proud of' and it's categorized under extra-curricular information for the last 3 years. It's been boggling my mind a little, probably because a)I think it's very subjective, or b)my extra-curriculum for the past 3 years sucks. The latter is the truth I think, and the first is probably just a pathetic excuse I made for myself. The thing is, I've practically dodged being active/responsibilities since Form 1 by jumping from society to society, club to club, until Form 4, when the importance of extra-curriculum started dawning on me a little too late.

I realized since then that I have the GENGA(Good at Everything, Not Great at Anything) disease. I'm one of those people that goes unnoticed during the activities, especially sports. I was good enough to not get picked on by teachers/commanders, but at the same time I didn't get selected to represent my sports house, not to mention representing my school (well there's that one time I substituted for my sports house in a 4x400m relay because the original runner bailed and I had to run while holding up my ponytail as my hairband got loose and I couldn't tie it back with the baton in my hand and apparently most of the school witnessed it but it's allinthepastnowletsmoveon)

*Sigh* I need to stop focusing on what could/should/would have been. I also need to stop the comparisons. I've wondered at the way I think about wanting to go back to high school, with my boredom reaching the brink of restlessness. I yearn to have that stress whenever exams edged near and scream 'aaahhh exams!!!' out loud like I used to do. Maybe I'll regret saying this someday but for now it seems much less frustrating than filling out scholarship applications. Ironically my younger sister seemed to want more of my so-called freedom than handling all the stress of Form 1. Yes, Form 1, can you believe it? But I suppose different people have different worries anyways so I should probably stop looking over to the other side where the grass is always greener and instead focus on how to cultivate some rice here in my yellowing paddy field.

Running Away

It's so tempting to just run away when things go wrong.

"But we can't run away forever."