Escaping Reality

They say to feel time, write. And therefore here I am. It's already a new year before I could even post something on the last day of 2015...because I was in a cinema when it switched from 2015 to 2016 in a second. Lol.

I'm supposed to be back at my responsibilities, but I've been so caught up with life that I hadn't have time to reflect and just see how God have been faithful throughout.

Before I get to that, I just wanna take this time to rant (yes you may leave now) about how January in the year is almost equivalent to the Monday in the week. Which makes December similar to Sunday, and all the months in between, the days in between a week. All the events and holidays fall on December, so the last few months of the year were spent counting down to the most anticipated Christmas, bringing up the excitement as you're getting closer and generally leaving you with a warm fuzzy feeling.......and then BAM it's January. All the Christmas parties are over, and you're left feeling lethargic but forced to go back to your work/study routine while having withdrawal symptoms, e.g. staying at home whenever you can and binge on the ice creams you've bought from Baskin Robbins during the 31st promotion.

Yes, I'm having January blues. And it's probably why I haven't gotten around to reflect on the year 2015. Or even get any job done around here. Okay fine I'm posting in this blog to escape time, not particularly to feel it. But I will get around to post something about 2015 because I have much to be grateful for. Just maybe...not that soon. *crawls back into bed*

Hi there. Yes, I was here the whole time.

I may or may not have mentioned that I don't express myself really well. The best of my intentions have often ended up horribly wrong in words, and I have slowly turned into a very quiet person without me realizing it until now.

This realization first hits me when I noticed that people had to tell me the same thing twice just so I get it, because I didn't respond much (my brain may go off circuit sometimes but I assure you I understand human language). People have also told me I'm quiet, but I never gave it much thought, as I perceive myself as a very talkative person when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, and often spurt out words I regret saying. This realization was confirmed with my mum telling me "You're actually quite a sensible and observant person, you just don't express yourself out loud. You're too quiet."

Having an acquaintance tell me that is one thing, but having my own mum (which is the closest person to me on earth) tell me that is entirely another thing. It's that same feeling I get when the nurse told me that my blood type is actually A instead of O, which was what I have believed for 17 years. (Okay I may be a very bad perceiver of self.)

So, in order to avoid expressing myself the wrong way, I have subconsciously chosen to completely not express myself. My instinct to run away have, again, took over. I should have known.

Now comes the purpose of this post. It has come to the point where I have to post this to prove a point to myself (because really, who reads this). That I actually have a personality (I actually questioned myself about this but hey a less colourful personality is still considered a personality #positivethinking) underneath the quietness and I'm not mentally disabled (not that there's anything wrong with that, I just don't want to have people worrying for no reason). This post, is a first step towards expressing myself - it's actually quite a step, considering that my draft posts are almost the same amount as my published posts. Yes, I write things and keep it to myself, but don't all people do that? No?

Sigh. I've always thought that 'silence is golden', because "even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent" (Proverbs 17:28), and "whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" (Proverbs 21:23). But apparently it doesn't apply to every situation and there are times where I have made others frustrated over my silence. If somehow you (yes, you) have been frustrated because of my inexpressiveness, I wish to apologize to you and ask that you be patient with me while I try to find the appropriate words to respond to you.

I also have instances in which I regretted not speaking up for what I believed. I guess there's always a time and place for words, and I need to learn to discern when I should speak up and when not to. Tips, anyone?

P/S: I wanted to delete this post several times now, but I promised myself not to (see kids, don't make promises you can't keep), so I just wanna add a note to self that I don't want to speak up more just for the sake of expressing myself - that would be rather pointless and valueless. So this whole post was just a rant, really. Sorry for wasting your time, kthxbai.

Where is the good in goodbyes...?

I'm not particularly good with goodbyes, and I wonder if anyone ever is. I didn't have many loved ones whom I had to part with, but when I do, I slip into this trance of denial (or ignorance) in my everyday life - as though things were still the same. Of course, only up till a point when I subconsciously want to talk to this particular person but I can't, that I really realize that things will never be the same again. When that happens I sleep it off. And the cycle continues the next day.

I know that it may not seem like the healthiest way to deal with things, but it's how I am able to move on and actually get some work done.

Speaking of work done, I have started my internship since March and it has been pretty exciting the first few weeks with all the travelling but the past few...hasn't been all that great. I was supposed to be out-stationed this week after 4 weeks of being in the office, but I was last minute (on a Saturday) swapped to be in the office instead. I was actually looking forward to the assignment in somewhere other than Malacca, and you can say I was feeling pretty disappointed with the new arrangement, and also by the fact that my fellow interns have been out-stationed almost every week, just because their names were the top of the list of interns. But I haven't been doing nothing though, it's just that they need a lot of help in the office as well...with administrative work.

I'm not really complaining. I guess it's better than having no work. All my life has been trials of having to stay put, and being crushed of all hopes that I can finally see the world outside of this place called Malacca. So this should be something I'm used to dealing with.

Please pray for me.

Confession.

I'm sorry I can't give you my best right now. 'Cause inside I'm dying.

2013 in Review!

2013 has been... so indescribable I can only express it better with pictures. Honestly though, is it just me, or time just accelerates by the year? It seems like it was yesterday that Facebook was flooded with end-of-the-world posts. And now it's gonna be 2014. Anywayyy... behold! Some never before seen pictures taken with my not-so-trusty S2. (and also some stolen from other people)

1. Australia! Aside from the scenic places and the nice weather, it also became the last time I ever saw my cousin Timothy. I thank God for the precious time that we get to spend together - I will forever hold them dear. 

               

          

2. My birthday. It could've just easily been any normal day, but the effort and time people took to celebrate it makes it so special to me. It was the first time I ever had a package delivered to my house! Along with thoughtful presents and cards, and just the effort taken to spend time with me and to make me feel so loved.

3. The 16th Baptist Youth World Conference! It was quite an eye opener for someone who likes to hibernate in her room all the time, meeting so many different people from different parts of the world who shares the same passion for God (maybe even more than me? lol) So many memories made just over five days - staying with our generous host family who opened their beautiful home to us, playing games and doing reflections with my random bunch of family group, packing food together for Stop Hunger, and just singing praises to God with His people from 64 different countries in different languages - it was such an extraordinary experience. Of course it was made even more memorable by the SBC troop that I went with :) I was touched by stories of how God worked in other parts of the world and was humbled by the passion His people have for Him eventhough some of them were oppressed. I thank God for the reminders He gave me throughout the trip and this once in a lifetime opportunity :)

4. Krabiiiiiiiii. The awesomest trip with the awesomest batch evaaaaaa. Hahah. So glad to have made the trip with the 5 of them; missing those who couldn't come, but it was a crazy fun-filled trip nonetheless (not to mention money-consuming lol). But it was definitely the most adventurous thing I've done this year. *Crosses off 'travelling-to-another-country-without-family-members' from ze bucket list*

5. R.O.C. 3!!! What a ride. Still recovering from it. Lol. But it has been the most fulfilling journey with the CF-ers which I call family ever since I stepped into MMU :) I've learned so much, hopefully I grow from it and also that seeds be sowed in the hearts of the people who watched it. So privileged to have been used by God and also to work with each and every cast and crew who inspired and taught me much, especially the team of directors :) Don't have enough pictures from that day because my phone died before I manage to take a picture with everyone! (Reason #1279 why my phone is not-so-trusty) So these are the only ones I have..can't believe I don't even have one with the directors!!!

6. The youthssss. Including the youth leaders of courseeee. I love them to bits. They have always been family, enough said. Below are random pictures taken during the year :D

7. Serving the community. (Or more like the community serving me? Haha.) This year there were lots of opportunity given to me to serve the community especially in Agape. Earlier this year the CF visited the old folks during a CG outing and I got to know a very special lady called Rose ('just Rose', she said). She gave me advices (including 'find a good man and marry him...a good man who loves you...preferably before you turn 30' lol) and also shared her story with me. It was nice to be able to put a smile on their faces simply by visiting and talking to them :) During December, I got to visit the Agape kids for a day to chaperon the youths who have been going there for 2 weeks! Basically I was only there playing with the kids and doing nothing much hehe. The Agape kids came to SBC for the Sunday School Christmas party as well, where I decided to help out together with some of the youths :)

As you can see I'm not a very good collage maker. And of course there are many many more moments that were significant to me during the year that I didn't manage to take much photos of. But I just wanna thank God for His faithfulness and providence throughout the year. It has truly been a ride. Happy new year! :)

Painting

So it's semester break again. Yayy. It was much needed, but I can't seem to be content now that I have nothing to do. If I was asked during last semester, I would say that I'm more than happy to have absolutely nothing to do. 

Anyway, I finally got to paint! Painting is so much more about the process than the actual result. When I paint I get lost into it and it's very remedial. And also because my product probably isn't that frame-worthy. But it's about the process! :P And so is life. There are so many things we miss in the present because we're constantly trying to achieve something for the future or dwelling too long in the past. And I don't practice what I preach.

"Your calling is present, not future."

Holidays!

Another break! That is short-lived. Basically just 2 weeks. Then I'm entering degree. Yay. -_-
Anyways, this break was much anticipated, despite everyone else being sad about ending their foundation year.  The first thing I did with my friends was going for a nice lunch and then planning away the itinerary for the next day. And stick to the itinerary we did.
10a.m. - Breakfast in town, having craved for roti canai for awhile now.

12p.m. - Checked out the rollerblading arena in Dataran, and found out it's a Disco Rollerblading Arena :O RM25 for as long as you want plus free rental of roller blades. We were so tempted to just discard the itinerary but alas we promised to try it out another day. So we went bowling instead. Just RM5 for student price. Fun and affordable.

2p.m. - Got McDonald's takeaway for some picnic at the beach! Drove (not me, obviously) to Pantai Puteri and laid out our picnic.

Decided to utilize my phone's 8.0 megapixel camera

..and realized Instagram can be quite fun. :)

Spent about 3 hours at the beach just eating, wading in the waters and building sandcastles. Have been missing the beach for quite awhile.

6p.m. - Headed to Jonker Street. Yep. We joined our non-Malaccan friends just stopping at almost every single shop and stall, and then dinner at a Nyonya place.

9p.m. - Walked till our feet hurt. But enjoy we did!

Much Needed.

I need a break. From everything.

Classroom Fun

Had my lab session today just like any other Monday. We were thought to use Paint.net and make a personal banner, and it was supposed be a creative effort that includes our name, student ID and photo. After an hour or so, this was what I managed to come up with:

(Click to see the original size: 800x100 pixels)

It was good fun. And yea, the electric guitar seems out of place. That's the exact guitar I saw in KL. :)

I Heart Waffles

Not quite sure when this addiction (it is quite a serious case) started, but i kept thinking about waffles. In fact I had dream that included me eating waffles at a point. (nah, I didn't really. Just trying to emphasize on the degree of my obsession.) Everytime during Accounts classes I think of the crispy base and gooey paste. I thank God it's only during Accounts classes. After class I go straight to one of the shop lots in front of the campus. THE STALL SELLS THE BEST WAFFLES EVER. It only opens after around 4pm, and I'm often sure to be there during the days when my class ends around that time :D I'm such a frequent customer that I'm recognised by the aunty and her husband who both work alternately at the stall.

Oh it's one thing to be addicted to waffles, but it's another to get other people addicted to them. One of my classmates (Teara is her name :)) followed me a few times and she's now half as obsessed as I am. I bought some back home for my sister (Angela) and she now drives me to buy waffles.

Waffles make me happy. I was emo over the mark that I scored for the spontaneous speaking test the other day, so Teara wanted to cheer me up by buying me some waffles. AND THEN I WAS MY USUAL SELF AGAIN #truestory. But of course I'm pretty sure it's because of Teara :) #thankGodforawesomefriends.

My Top Places to Buy Waffles

1. The 'Cuppa Crunch' Stall in Perfect Food Court. (Emerald Park, opposite of MMU)
a) It offers different flavour of waffle base every week! I'm talking BASE, NOT JUST PASTE.
b) It sells fried ice-cream too. Though I never tried them. Can't eat both waffles and ice-cream
at the same time.
c) RM2.50 for normal flavours, RM2.80 for special flavours. Pretty reasonable.
d) It's near.

2. Daily Fresh at New Jusco's Food Avenue.
a) ITS WAFFLES' PASTE FLOWS OUT.

3. Stall in Ixora Food Court
a) It's near.
b) It's available almost everytime I visit.
c) RM2.50 for all flavours.

When buying waffles:
-I mix two of the flavours. They don't normally add charges for additional flavours. (Chocolate + Peanut! *drools*).
-I buy even numbers of waffles, 'cause they usually have even numbers of waffle makers. Makes the wait more worthwhile.

DISCLAIMER: I accept no responsibility whatsoever for the addiction that comes upon consuming waffles after reading my blog post. Also, if you experience any negative outcome (diarrhea, cramping, vomiting, etc.) contact your doctor because waffles may not be right for you.

Happy eating waffles! :)

Unfinished Business

I was supposed to post something with the title 'Productively Unproductive'. And then I changed it to 'A Story' a few days back. Both of them were left hanging. They were supposed to be updates on my current hectic study life (which explains the unfinished blog posts).
My daily routine now looks like this: classes in the morning (sometimes stretched to the afternoon), lunch, groups discussions, dinner, societies' meetings, sleep. So yeah, home is now the place only to crash after a whole day in campus. When I started reflecting while looking at my half-painted canvas after a month or so, I began questioning on whether or not this is actually productive. Therein lies the itch to write 'Productively Unproductive'. Now, there are a lot of opportunity costs to this new phase, as I've mentioned in my previous posts. Before I entered uni, I had a lot of leisure time (probably too much). I started blogging during that 'rotting' phase. I started painting. I started writing everyday in my spiritual journal. I spent almost everyday with my grandma, and also catching up with dearly loved friends - these are all left hanging after I let myself be caught up in life.
I miss rotting.
Oh and I've also yet to start on the birthday post dedicated to my lil sis - so much for being an awesome big sis to her.

Writer, Much?

It's been almost a month since my last post. I've been very preoccupied ever since I was thrown back into the student life. I was going to write a very emo post on how so many important relationships became the 'opportunity cost' to this new aspect of my life (my microeconomics lecturer would be so proud at my attempt to apply these terms into my daily life), but I've decided to blog on a lighter tone so that you won't be in danger of contracting the disease of diseases which is emo-ness.

Also, ever since I shamlessly divulged the address of my blog to the committees of the Student Publication Board of MMU during my interview, I felt like blogging. I feel very self-conscious writing this post now. LoL. Hmm, come to think of it, they may have already read the whole of my lack-of-content, non-amusing blog. Or they may have not. I may have forgotten to mention that my blog is new. And not very amusing.

And yes, to the loyal followers of my blog (trust me, less is always more), I joined the Student Publication Board. It was like a sudden urge to join. And I thought I could train in photography at the same time together with writing. Anyways, beside SPB, I also signed up for the Christian Society, MILE (the Multimedia Initiative for the Language of English, basically an English society) and also squash. I know, I don't play squash, I've never held a squash racket. But isn't this all about acquiring new skills and honing them??

I can't wait to get started!