Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

There is a freedom that comes with not thinking about yourself. To be able to focus on something bigger than you or your thoughts. To leave behind our selfish desires and to step outside of our little circle of self-centered thoughts. Just everything but yourself. Not your worries, nor your problems. Not your successes, nor your failures. Not your strengths, nor your weaknesses. Not your frustrations, your fears, your doubts, your expectations, your disappointments, your feelings, your desires, nor your insecurities. 

Then, there would be so much more space for God. His love, His joy, His hope, and His goodness. You'd be much more aware of the needs of others, and how to help them without even thinking about getting a favour in return from them, or how it might cost you. Because all that is yours isn't even yours in the first place, after all. 

Escaping Reality

They say to feel time, write. And therefore here I am. It's already a new year before I could even post something on the last day of 2015...because I was in a cinema when it switched from 2015 to 2016 in a second. Lol.

I'm supposed to be back at my responsibilities, but I've been so caught up with life that I hadn't have time to reflect and just see how God have been faithful throughout.

Before I get to that, I just wanna take this time to rant (yes you may leave now) about how January in the year is almost equivalent to the Monday in the week. Which makes December similar to Sunday, and all the months in between, the days in between a week. All the events and holidays fall on December, so the last few months of the year were spent counting down to the most anticipated Christmas, bringing up the excitement as you're getting closer and generally leaving you with a warm fuzzy feeling.......and then BAM it's January. All the Christmas parties are over, and you're left feeling lethargic but forced to go back to your work/study routine while having withdrawal symptoms, e.g. staying at home whenever you can and binge on the ice creams you've bought from Baskin Robbins during the 31st promotion.

Yes, I'm having January blues. And it's probably why I haven't gotten around to reflect on the year 2015. Or even get any job done around here. Okay fine I'm posting in this blog to escape time, not particularly to feel it. But I will get around to post something about 2015 because I have much to be grateful for. Just maybe...not that soon. *crawls back into bed*

I Almost Do.

Goodbye, Again.

"There's such a difference between us, and a million miles..."

Why do we have to do this all over again...?

I Guess...

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

- Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Embarrassing incident #129923

When you did something stupid and embarrassing, all you can do, sometimes, is just to shout your lungs out saying...

WHY AM I SO STUPID?!

Then you'll feel a bit better. Or not. 

Hi there. Yes, I was here the whole time.

I may or may not have mentioned that I don't express myself really well. The best of my intentions have often ended up horribly wrong in words, and I have slowly turned into a very quiet person without me realizing it until now.

This realization first hits me when I noticed that people had to tell me the same thing twice just so I get it, because I didn't respond much (my brain may go off circuit sometimes but I assure you I understand human language). People have also told me I'm quiet, but I never gave it much thought, as I perceive myself as a very talkative person when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, and often spurt out words I regret saying. This realization was confirmed with my mum telling me "You're actually quite a sensible and observant person, you just don't express yourself out loud. You're too quiet."

Having an acquaintance tell me that is one thing, but having my own mum (which is the closest person to me on earth) tell me that is entirely another thing. It's that same feeling I get when the nurse told me that my blood type is actually A instead of O, which was what I have believed for 17 years. (Okay I may be a very bad perceiver of self.)

So, in order to avoid expressing myself the wrong way, I have subconsciously chosen to completely not express myself. My instinct to run away have, again, took over. I should have known.

Now comes the purpose of this post. It has come to the point where I have to post this to prove a point to myself (because really, who reads this). That I actually have a personality (I actually questioned myself about this but hey a less colourful personality is still considered a personality #positivethinking) underneath the quietness and I'm not mentally disabled (not that there's anything wrong with that, I just don't want to have people worrying for no reason). This post, is a first step towards expressing myself - it's actually quite a step, considering that my draft posts are almost the same amount as my published posts. Yes, I write things and keep it to myself, but don't all people do that? No?

Sigh. I've always thought that 'silence is golden', because "even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent" (Proverbs 17:28), and "whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" (Proverbs 21:23). But apparently it doesn't apply to every situation and there are times where I have made others frustrated over my silence. If somehow you (yes, you) have been frustrated because of my inexpressiveness, I wish to apologize to you and ask that you be patient with me while I try to find the appropriate words to respond to you.

I also have instances in which I regretted not speaking up for what I believed. I guess there's always a time and place for words, and I need to learn to discern when I should speak up and when not to. Tips, anyone?

P/S: I wanted to delete this post several times now, but I promised myself not to (see kids, don't make promises you can't keep), so I just wanna add a note to self that I don't want to speak up more just for the sake of expressing myself - that would be rather pointless and valueless. So this whole post was just a rant, really. Sorry for wasting your time, kthxbai.